whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
