i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
