What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so let's talk penis.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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