there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize