i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
