Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize
