he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
