He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
