she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
