is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
