I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
