omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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