I'm lost and stupid without you.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
