We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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