remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize