he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
