I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
