Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
