If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
