he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
