I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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