You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
