dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
