He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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