I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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