There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
