evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
