what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
