I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
