I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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