Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
