dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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