so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
