onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
