Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
