I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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