dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
