My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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