we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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