Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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