remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
