Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
