all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize