I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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