honey bunches of taint.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
