ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
