You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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