Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
