booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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