All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize