I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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