take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
