Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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