Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
