can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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