mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
