i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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