K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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