3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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