dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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