I wish I only lived at night.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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