wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Two words: blizzard sex
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
