the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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