my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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