your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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