I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
