I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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