Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
