I just cut my nipple shaving
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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