True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize