Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Never joke about your clitoris.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
