I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
