your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's just like the Real World with babies
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
