Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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