I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
