What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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