You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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