Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
