Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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