Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I want is dick and wine.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
