Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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