If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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