Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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