i just made my gag reflex go away.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
