I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize