You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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