are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
