the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
