Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
But break dance skills will only take you so far
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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