I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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