I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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