i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize