ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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