I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
