you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
