also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
