i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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