it wasn't lemon gatorade
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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