In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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