Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So much Jack, so little girl.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
