guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
