apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
