Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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